An increasing number of men are becoming comfortable with the notion of their wives or girlfriends engaging in sex with someone other than themselves. These cuckolders are challenging conventional norms of marriage, monogamy and masculinity. While certainly not a new phenomenon, cuckolding has proliferated with the pervasiveness of the Internet. The rise of cuckold culture is evident through a browse on the World Wide Web which produces countless sites devoted to cuckoldry: pornography, networking, blogs, and forums and groups that offer advice and support.
Many people are unfamiliar with cuckoldry as an alternative lifestyle. A cuckold is customarily referred to a man who has an adulterous wife. But as a current sexual trend, more often than not, it is the husband that is begging to watch his wife have sex with another man. Of course, this is not confined to marriage. A number of people in committed relationships are exploring the sexual options that cuckoldry can bring to their relationship. While the woman may take on one or several lovers, her male partner stays monogamous and sometimes even celibate.
There are three roles in this kind of relationship. The wife or girlfriend that enjoys cuckoldry is often referred to as a “hot wife.” The man who derives sexual pleasure from watching his wife or girlfriend have sex with other men is a “cuck .” The additional male lover in this relationship is a “bull” or a “stud.” The terms “cuck” and “stud” delineate personality and behavior in the context of cuckoldry . The cuck takes on the role of beta male implying a deficiency of virility that may manifest itself in smaller penis size, infertility, impotence, or weakness whereas the stud plays the role of alpha male symbolizing virility, potency, larger penis, masculinity and strength.
Many people have a hard time wrapping their heads around the concept of consensual infidelity; what sane man would want to watch his woman have sex with another man? Dan Savage, sexpert and columnist, recently explained his theory on cuckoldry. He writes that it is likely that the cuckolding fetish a subconscious, sexual fear. “While most of us learn to live with and occasionally conquer our fears without eroticizing them, a number of us respond to sexual fears or traumas by incorporating them into our erotic imaginations… And what do many straight men fear? Being cheated on, of course, and dealing with that particular brand of sexual humiliation,” wrote Savage. Subconsciously or consciously, some men may eroticize their fears of being cheated on by turning it into a sexual fantasy.
But it is not necessarily the man in the relationship that initiates the cuckoldry. Despite the fact that they are in a committed relationship and love their partner, some women find that their sexual appetite is insatiable and cannot be completely fulfilled by their partner. Oftentimes, the male partner in the relationship agrees to be cuckolded simply because the amount of joy it brings his wife or girlfriend. In an interview with Nerve.com, Kurt, who practices cuckolding with his wife, Christina, comments on one of their studs: “He fills her up. I love watching her react to his bigger dick because I can't provide her that. I get off on the truth, on what's real."
Cuckolding is not a new phenomenon. The earliest written usage of the word is found in a Middle English derivation “cokewold” in 1250. Geoffrey Chaucer made references to cuckolding in the 14th century classic The Canterbury Tales. His stories illustrated the norms of medieval society. “The Miller’s Tale” depicts cuckolds as objects of ridicule and mockery. In medieval culture, the husband with the adulterous wife was made fun of and publicly sanctioned.
In the 1800s, author of erotic novel Venus in Furs, Leopold Von Socher-Masoch (of whom the term “masochism” derives from) apparently had fantasies of an adulterous wife. One character in his story tells his lover: "Suffering has a peculiar attraction for me. Nothing can intensify my passion more than tyranny, cruelty and especially the faithlessness of a beautiful woman." His former wife, Aurora Rümelin, recounts in her memoirs numerous times that her husband begged her to cuckold him so that he could experience the pain and humiliation of his wife taking on another lover. He went so far as to unsuccessfully orchestrate meetings between his wife and potential lovers. She refused, which led to the end of their marriage.
Cuckolding is a very controversial fetish. First, it challenges the conventional bounds of masculinity and patriarchy. The husband or boyfriend subordinates his masculinity and security by allowing another man to sexually pleasure his partner. Cucks are often accused of being “wimps” and “pussies” and not man enough to keep their partner sexually satisfied. How does a man maintain his dignity in the face of such an extreme sexual circumstance?
To answer the argument, a woman who is identified as “*B*” on a Tribe.net group called Ethical Cuckolding finds that “cuckolds are strong, secure, dominant men. They are not afraid of the part of sexuality that frightens most men…seeing their lover or wife receiving pleasure with someone else.” And while the cucks may take on a submissive role in the bedroom, they often take a dominant role in orchestrating the set up and planning of their sexual encounters.
Cuckolding also flies directly in the face of what is considered an acceptable relationship: monogamous. Religious marriage vows strictly enforce that both partners remain exclusive to each other in matrimony. Adultery is forbidden in the Ten Commandments. 1 Corinthians 7:4 in the Bible states that the wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. Not only is having more than one sexual partner frowned upon from a religious and moral standpoint, many people simply cannot fathom the idea of their partner having another lover without extreme jealousy.
Others find lifestyles like cuckolding, swinging and polyamory as copouts for the difficulties of maintaining a monogamous relationship. In her blog “Smut and Steff,” blogger Steff writes that these alternative lifestyles “are ways people have conceived of to take the sting out of the difficulty that comes with monogamy. I believe they probably truly do love the primary person in their relationship, but that the hard times overwhelm them, so incorporating others into the relationship is their way of minimizing the emotional intensity. I think some people have issues with monogamy.”
The couples that practice cuckoldry would disagree; for them, the sexual excitement that cuckolding delivers brings them closer. Jealousy is not really a factor for these couples, either; the additional lover to the mix can be more like a tool that enhances the primary couples’ sexual dynamic. Morality is not really a question since all members are consensual and everyone is getting what they desire.
What it ultimately comes down to is sexual pleasure for all parties involved. The cuckolding couples hope that with the growing visibility of cuckolding, there will be increased acceptance and tolerance of their lifestyle. While cuckoldry may be unthinkable to many, for others it provides a sexual outlet for desires that may have previously gone unmet.
from Sexual herald -